My love had this idea that we all have a piece…a piece of the whole.  I have since explored it on my own and it fits seamlessly with my own core beliefs…the ones I’d think about as a child.

There is ‘something’ in me that is also in you.  ‘Something’ that we recognize without words.  Just like my grandfather in the hospital.  He had no idea who I was physically, yet when he looked in my eyes, he found that ‘something’ there and was brought to peace.

We’re all pieces of the same thing, but we’re not the same pieces.  Just like a puzzle or a mosaic or a tapestry, like the wise ones before us taught.

The dragon held my piece.  With my piece, my peace.  If I had never faced my dragon, my darkness, I would have never found it.  I could have never opened the safe.  I’d still be wildly, aimlessly searching “out there.”  Not that I deserve any credit.  My dragon was a beast that became hard to ignore, and when you’re sober and want to stay that way, you have no choice eventually.  Pain really IS a gift.

“The wound is the place where the light enters,” Rumi (I just adore him).

Imagine the disservice to my child, my family, anyone I encounter, to you dear reader, had I not found me…imagine if the world never gets your piece…I want to know your piece.  Maybe I’ll need it or maybe my daughter will or my nephews or someone, anyone.  We need your piece.

From Henry’s viewpoint, the higher perspective, I pretend to see small dots of lights all around the world…some stay on all the time, some go off and on, some blocked. Like if the globe could be turned into a Lite-Brite (Is that a thing?  It should be).  Each piece pushes through the darkness of the black paper (the veil if you will) and takes up their rightful position.  If all the lights that could be turned on were turned on, we’d be like the sun!  The ones in the dark would be illuminated simply by being around them.  Real light, authentic light.  Not LED’s.  There is no shortcut.  Trust me.  I tried.

I’ve also been able to pinpoint one central gift or theme in my life and see the same in others close to me.  Not that gifts can’t overlap in individuals, just that one aspect shines brighter than others.  At least I think so.  This thought is still under construction.

For example…My father, humor.  His wife, kindness.  My oldest brother, honor.  My love, healing.

All of these, we need equally. However, without the clarity that only purity brings, our gifts can turn on us and become easily lost or misunderstood.  If we’re too attached to our egos (the dark, “ourselves”), what’s meant to be our gifts can be used as weapons making us our own worst enemies.  Because not everything is funny and too much kindness can be smothering and honor can be a double-edged sword and you can’t truly heal others if you’re using that as a distraction from healing yourself.

For me?  Love (or maybe truth.  What’s the difference really?).  But unbridled love and careless truth scare people away.  Whenever I’ve met the world leading with my bleeding-heart dripping love and truth in all directions, it didn’t go over well.  Nobody wants to be preached to, and martyrdom is lonely and depressing.  Not good for you or me. 

When our lights are off, our gifts still shine through as glimpses…glimpses of potential, but they become the very tools that separate us from others.  If division were the goal, we’d be doing a good job, but think about it…how does that really feel?  If it were the ‘right’ way, it would echo a sense of goodness for all, not just for you (temporarily).

When our lights are on, our gifts are powerful. 

“Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?”  Actually, who are you not to be?  Your playing small doesn’t serve the world,” Marianne Williamson.

Reaching for our actual potential, brings us together in solidarity towards a worthy mission. 

Humor, kindness, honor, healing, love, truth…all together with the discernment and understanding that only light can provide?!  Yes, please.  I’d drink that concoction all day.

We can become the instrument specific to us that the divine wishes to play.  And together?  An orchestra of orgasmic proportions!  How incredible!!  Ok, I may be dripping again.

Reader, we cannot bring forth any real outer change unless we first bring about inner change.  Our lives are up to us.  The world is up to us.  “Be the change you wish to see in the world,” is not just a nice quote.  It’s THE answer.  It’s everyone’s answer.

Determination and good intentions can get you far, but in the long run it’s not enough.  It matters that you’re capable of carrying out what you mean to…what you’re meant to.  And if you can’t, why not?  What’s in you that’s stopping you?  And how will you recognize what’s meant for you if you aren’t ready?

Are the things you do in alignment with what’s really important to you?  If not, why are you doing them?

With all of me, I urge you to make a start (or continue). Look…look at you.  See ALL of it.  Love the fuck out of you (especially the ugly parts). Love others.  Break the chains.  Forgive them.  Forgive yourself.  We can’t know what we don’t know.  Isn’t that cause for forgiveness?  Have you never needed forgiveness?

It’s going to hurt.  It’s going to hurt bad, but, I promise, it’s not going to kill you.  And it won’t last forever (nothing here does).  They’re just feelings.  Let them come.  Let them move through you and see for yourself the new lightness in your step.  It’s scary at first because uncertainty is uncomfortable.  Soon enough, you’ll be a pro, opening to things “you” can’t even imagine. 

You won’t be alone. Help is out there, but you need to reach for it. We’re all doing the same thing under the surface.  We’re all just trying to be found.

So…Stay.  Heal.  Soften.  Be easy.  Have fun. Laugh.  Hug.  Allow.  Let go.  Free yourself. Tell the truth.

Aim to be the limitless piece you already are.  Does your mouth water too at the thought?! 

The voice in your head that tells you, “You can’t,” is lying.  Fear, too, is a liar.

Are you going to close your heart?  Are you going to succumb to the fear? If you die tomorrow, are you good with you (deep, deep down)? Are you good with the life you’ve created and with the people you love?

“You” are your only enemy.  No one else.  Just “you.”  The cause and the cure. 

There’s something deeper at work.  But please don’t take my word for it.  See for yourself. 

Stop.  Stop running.  Stop working a million hours.  Stop letting other people tell you what to believe.  Stop living for everyone else.  Stop hurting yourself.  Stop hurting others.  Stop blaming. Stop being a coward.

Now go.

Take responsibility for your pain. Let it wash over you…let it wash “you.”  Let it open the depths that exist already.  Know that when you have nothing to lose, you have everything to gain.  Desperation, a gift. 

“Meaning is the antidote to suffering,” Jordan Peterson.

Find the meaning. Do what you came here to do. Be a fucking warrior for what matters. It’s our duty.   Sorry, not sorry for cursing.  My soul is kind of a gangster.

Of course, if you want to wade the shallow end, be my guest. I can’t imagine you’d be reading this if that were true.

Build a life worth living. Clean yourself up and follow the thing you can’t get out of your mind. Follow what’s calling you. That’s the thing that’s yours. That’s what’s meant for you. No. It’s not too late.

I dare you. Double dog dare you.

What happened to you? What’s your story?? What do you want your story to be???

Open. Bloom.

~

Henry’s perspective to mine, macro to micro…some final thoughts and how do I apply these ideals in my everyday life?  Come…take a peek in my window…

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