The legacy that was passed onto me through Betsy and others, was passed onto her through her sponsor, Georgi and others.  Georgi got it from others too, and on and on.  Even the men who founded Alcoholics Anonymous borrowed from other places (religions, philosophies, etc.).  There is no one specific leader who gets all the praise.  It counts on individuals coming together for a greater purpose.  Hint, hint world… 

I couldn’t have done it without all the ones who came before me.  I am not chosen, nor am I particularly special.  I have just had enough pain. 

Most of what I say here is not original to me.  It’s thanks to AA as a whole.

To the addicts and alcoholics (or anyone) struggling to find their way,

There was once a time that I couldn’t imagine living without drugs and alcohol.  They were my answer to everything.  By the end, I couldn’t do anything without them.  Incomprehensible demoralization “to the T.”  The story I told in Chapter 1 was just one of many experiences like that. I would’ve done anything for a drink or a drug.  I was not above any self-centered attempt to escape myself. 

I once heard a lady at a meeting say, “I would have killed my own mother for a drink.”  That I understood and, right then, I knew I was where I was supposed to be. 

Stealing, lying, cheating, using my sex appeal…I’ve done it all.  Sleeping on sidewalks, peeing my pants, broken bones, blackouts…regular occurrences.  Jails and institutions, I’ve been in many.  The only thing left for me out there was death but knowing that wasn’t the worst part. 

The worst part was the absolute insanity of living in my head…the incessant obsession, hating myself and everyone else, the constant running.  The fact that there wasn’t enough drugs or alcohol in the whole wide world to shut off my brain.  All the seemingly insurmountable pain I had caused and endured.

I didn’t come to sobriety because I really wanted to stop or because I wanted to be a good person.  I came because I had nowhere else to go and the drugs and alcohol stopped working.  

I wasn’t deserving, but that didn’t matter.  It mattered that I showed up and kept showing up.  I kept showing up for me.

I tell you this to invite you to see a possibility…

There is another way.  Even if you don’t see it or if your mind is lying to you or if you think it’s too late for you.  It’s not.  There is a path that cannot fail.  People may fail it, but the path does not.

As Rumi said, “Those who don’t want to change, let them sleep.”  If you are not ready, it’s ok.  Hopefully you will survive and get another chance.  We will still be here when you’ve had enough.

“Should you need us,” The Labyrinth.

IF you are willing to go to any lengths to stay sober, I would like to share with you some of my experiences, along with the things that helped me the most. 

Keep in mind, the path is a general one (my words here, just an overview).  A path designed to bring you to your own attention because the truth is, that’s the real problem…you (me).  It’s a path that gives you a way out of hell if you so choose. 

There are many twists and turns and ways to trudge it.  I can only tell you what has worked for me.  Likely the details of your journey look different than mine.  It’s ok.  Compare yourself to yourself only.  Also, some may disagree.  Some may say their way is the only way…c’est la vie.  Don’t worry about people.  Worry about you.  You will find your tribe as, “There’s a wrench for every nut.”

The best thing I did in my first year of sobriety was build a solid foundation.  Just like they told me.  I made staying sober the most important thing in my life, and it still is.  I am sober continuously for a long time now, but it is not because of me (more despite).  It is by God’s grace.  If I stop doing any of the things I was taught in the beginning, it wouldn’t take long for me to be that lost girl yet again. 

I’ve known people who were sober for decades, drink or get high again.  Nothing good comes from that.  Also, no one is ever struck that way like lightning.  It is always caused by some deviation from the path.

Many of the world’s saddest things are due to drugs and alcohol.  Most people in jail are there because of something done under the influence (ex. my brother).  Countless casualties, innocent and otherwise. 

I’m no different than them.  I am them.  A day at a time, I stick to the basics under any and all circumstances (I’ve done many things wrong, but because of this, I haven’t been lost again).   

In my experience, most people don’t get multiple chances.  Many die tragically (ex. my cousin), forever breaking the hearts of the people who love them.

One man I think of often, Bob.  He was sober for many years and built a wonderful life.  Got married, got a career, had children, money, all the ‘things.’  Eventually, his sobriety wasn’t a priority anymore.  He stopped going to meetings and, in time, drank again.  He ended up losing everything.  For several years following, I watched him go in and out.  He never could quite get it back again.  One day he disappeared and for 8 months, nobody knew his whereabouts until a couple of kids playing in the woods came across a pile of human bones.  It was Bob. 

Another, a woman I sponsored who called me an ‘AA Nazi’ because of how serious I was about sobriety.  She was super smart, nurturing, hilarious.  I loved her.  She always had one foot out the door though.  She held onto people tied to her addiction (that would be her downfall).  She drank again and very quickly wasted away.  Her liver couldn’t handle it and she ended up with cirrhosis.  I went to visit her in the hospital at the end.  I was sad to see that no one else was there.  I remember that her lips were so dry, I wet them with ice.  She wasn’t supposed to eat solid foods, but all she wanted was some snacks.  I got some from the vending machine and fed them to her one by one.  She died alone soon after. 

There are so many stories like these that I could write volumes of encyclopedias about them.  It’s gut-wrenching for many reasons, but also because I have found that, deep-down, addicts and alcoholics are among the most wonderful, caring, compassionate, creative people here.

I stay sober one day at a time by doing the same things Betsy told me in the very beginning:  don’t pick up a drink or a drug no matter what happens, make regular attendance at meetings, stay away from people, places and things, ask God to keep you sober every morning and thank Him every night, try to help somebody else. By doing these things, anything else I need comes (usually through other people) exactly at the right time. 

All in all, it’s been a process of excavation, so that I could get to me. It’s continuous. I must always be moving away from a drink and a drug. The day I die, will be the day I graduate.

There are a million little sayings that also helped (and still do):

• Don’t give up before the miracle happens.
• You could be 5 minutes from success.
• The miracle could be right around the corner.
• One day at a time (one minute at a time if you must).
• Live and let live.
• Easy does it.
• First things first.
• But for the grace of God go I.
• You never have to feel this way again.
• You’re going to be ok.
• If you forget the past, you’re doomed to repeat it.

Some basic guidelines (it seems a lot of these simple suggestions are getting lost):

• No relationships for the first year.  Get a plant.  If you can keep it alive for a year, you can try a relationship with a person.  (If you are married, see the next point.)
• No major decisions for the first year.
• If you have an urge, eat sweets.  It helps.
• Be leery of foods cooked in alcohol and alcohol-related beverages/products.  (This is controversial.  There’s a wave of people promoting non-alcoholic beers and cocktails.  For me, why chance lighting the fuse?).
• Be careful of drugs, prescription or otherwise.  (Another new wave…sober means being unaffected by mind-altering substances.)
• Stay out of bars and away from people, places, and things because “if you hang around the barber shop long enough, you’re bound to get your haircut” or “if you hang around with monkeys, you’re bound to eat bananas.”
• If you lie to an alcoholic (or an addict), you could kill them.  (Yes, it’s that serious.  No enabling, no people-pleasing when it comes to helping others.  It’s a responsibility of grave importance.)

There is so much more, but hopefully this is a sufficient prologue.

As I’ve stayed sober, I’ve managed to build on this footing.  At times I’ve needed to branch out (therapy for example), but it was always in addition to, never at the expense of my foundation.  As a result, and despite encountering life on life’s terms, I live a good life today.

My friend, Scottish Jack, always yells at me for not including enough ‘good’ things in my story.  He may be right, but, to me, the best things really are that I haven’t seen a cockroach, thrown up on myself, been arrested, woken up somewhere I didn’t belong with someone I didn’t know, peed my pants, etc.  Anything more is a gift, and I’m so grateful for all of it that sometimes it makes me cry.

There are millions of us out there just winning anonymously.  It’s a beautiful, comforting thought.

The MOST amazing part…seeing the light come back in the eyes of another!

My favorite pieces of advice:

“This above all: To thine own self be true,” Shakespeare.

“Stay sober and you got the world by the balls,” Betsy.

Funny, but powerful in its simple truth.

(By the way, Betsy didn’t have the best reputation everywhere she went (nor do I).  She cared loudly and passionately with love of the realest variety…honesty.  Understand, there is not always a gentle way to tell the truth and it will not always be well-received.  That doesn’t make it wrong. Dare to have the courage of your convictions.) 

If you need help or are interested in learning further: https://www.aa.org/

If you love someone who needs help: https://al-anon.org/

~

If I’ve missed anything or if something else helped you or you feel compelled to speak on this topic, please share in the comments! You never know who needs what only you can give.

~

Next, Henry’s-eye view…the BIG picture ❤

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Samantha Elle (@samanthaelle88)