"If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain," Emily Dickinson.
Life
The Letter
All that remains now is the memory...of a love lost to the world but gained in me.
Chapter 44
I once heard a woman speak at a horticulture conference who said, “You will never see a flower in a war zone.” I never forgot that. It’s a sentiment I liken to my life.
Chapter 43
So...Stay. Heal. Soften. Be easy. Laugh. Hug. Allow. Let go. Free yourself. Be a warrior for what matters.
Chapter 41
The answer we’re looking for is found in the place we least want to look. They are in Beowulf’s Grendel. They are the dragon lurking deep in our individual caves needing to be slayed.
Chapter 40
Helplessly, hopelessly watching someone I love so immensely, slip away...among the saddest things I’ve ever witnessed in my life.
Chapter 38
At the end of the day (at the end of this life) that's all I have. MY own love and anything it touches (or doesn't) will be my legacy.
Chapter 35
Then came the day I’ve been dreading to write about, but also the reason I’m here sharing my story with you…It was a deceptively lovely Tuesday morning in August...
Chapter 33
I loved him from the depths, but it wouldn’t matter (life’s tragedy). It mattered only that he chose himself in that way...it matters always that I choose me.
Chapter 32
I vowed to share from my heart so that I may reach another’s. I have an intimate, learned understanding that that is the only chance to inspire real change.
Chapter 31
I’ve always found that when something’s right for me, the path opens up. That opening comes with a feeling…the feeling I only know how to describe as expansive. Not restrictive.
Chapter 30
This memoir would haunt me…continuously in my mind and I continuously tried to push it to the back. It was too painful to solidify the truth like this in black and white…my childhood, my addiction, my love story.
Chapter 28
Something I love about life now is that I fit in my skin in a way I never could have imagined...I have a space inside me that goes everywhere my body does, but also beyond. A space no one can hurt or touch with dirty fingers.
Chapter 27
It may have felt dark, but I lived each day with the deep knowing I had gained a few years prior...the sun is always shining even when you can't see it.
Chapter 26
Without fail, there is a price to pay for using your suffering as a weapon to hurt others and, therefore, causing more suffering. I know this firsthand as, at one time, the unconsciousness of my own pain dictated that I do the same.
Intermission
There are some things to come that are more delicate than all of the previous chapters combined. The intricacies involved in relaying these experiences are deserving of the time and thoughtful crafting it will take to continue in a true, yet sensitive way.
Chapter 20
When there is nothing in between us, there is a limitlessness that induces pure, sober intoxication just being in his presence…Our Universe…
Chapter 19
I learned that many people tend to prefer the puddle to the ocean. I was yearning for depth, for meaning, for someone that understood me.
Chapter 15
I didn't know that would be the last time I would ever see him, but I get now that he did. He told me that he prayed every day that I didn't end up like him.
Chapter 14
I would be in a cubicle, in a basement for what felt like eternity...I wouldn't be able to last much longer there as it was smothering my soul little by little each day.
In Bloom 