Welcome back Samantha, sometimes a break is a wondrous thing. Especially then moving into such a topic. In some ways you are right, they hate us or are angry with us…simply because unintentionally we treat them in some way where they feel rejected. We can’t help but bring them up by exactly who we are, bad stuff included. We haven’t resolved our fears yet, so cannot be but what we are…afraid of so many things within ourselves. And so we bring them up as best we can, and pray that it is enough.
And in all the healing I have done, there are no straight through to the front of the line, straight to an A in parenthood. Too much happens, too much emotional baggage as we try to resolve us before it damages those children beholding to us. They love and look up to us, want to be just like us, imitate us to a ‘T’. And in those years of being taught, we pass onto them what we are. In fact I’ve seen many, myself included, where those children say ‘I’m never, ever going to be like mom/dad’, and do the exact opposite. Only to react so strongly that they become just as bad in another way, in that hurt and anger.
In all I have seen, there is no way around it. Because the journey asks them to be raised in that ‘conditional’ environment, no matter how hard it is…so that one day, and as we all do, we will find the answer to our fear, understand it, and step beyond it into that unconditional love we have ever looked for.
We must experience sadness so that when happiness comes along it will be so much more appreciated ‘because’ of those very experiences. All our emotions lead us to those appreciations of it all. And the day I finally saw and understood what my fear truly meant…I could see that it is meant to happen, it is meant to be hard, and it is meant to take us full circle back inside us to resolve that very pain within us…and finally understand that the love and happiness we sought was ever waiting inside us for that moment where we did understand, could finally see what love truly is…and be set free.
How do you help heal this situation? There is only one way, and that is by doing two things. One, you have to be honest and up front about the who, where, when and why of what has occurred and its consequences…for everyone. This means you too, as well as her. Two, you just have to be there and love them…when they are ready. Hard, oh yes. Trust once damaged takes great courage to stand back within it, and it takes time. Lots of time. And hard as this is…don’t try to protect her, as in hold information from her etc. The instant she feels a lie, even if it is a protecting lie, that trust just goes even further away from where you both are.
This most certainly isn’t an easy journey kind lady, the instinct is to protect, regardless the situation. But sometimes they may not let you, and for many reasons. Sometimes they do things that truly hurt you, when you feel you have given your all to do that protection. And many the time its simply because they don’t have enough experience and wisdom from life to see the pain they cause, to you and themselves. Mostly I see children many years later grown up with their own children, and suddenly you see in their eyes exactly what you had been trying to teach them. And suddenly they start speaking to you again, sharing themselves again, connecting again.
It is such a long painful path my friend, seemingly lost through some years…you and them. But within it is truly something very powerfully learned. Even in hindsight we touch so much but slowly see an understanding in us and them. Sometimes you think forever one way…but there is under it all, a change inside. It’s always there, in all we do.
Pray, have hope, a little faith that we do have a purpose here. Know that this love is taking us somewhere so profoundly beautiful, even among the puddles we tread in. Big hugs Samantha, and a deep breath. Sending much love and light that slowly that love raises its head and bit by bit, sets you both free within it ❤️🙏
Wow, Mark! Thank you so much for writing all that. Although the contents of this chapter are a number of years ago by now, what you wrote helped me look at things differently today. To remember that the relationship is constantly teaching…hurting and rewarding…for both, but that it also serves a higher purpose is priceless. Thanks dear friend ❤
It does indeed all come together Samantha. On the day I saw through my fear I could see ‘everything’ I had done all through my life was bringing me to this point of understanding, to truly understand that unconditional love. It’s like anything we understand, it takes time. If we go to a child and ask them to explain love, it will be mommy’s hugs, chocolate and ice cream. But if I ask the grown up you, there is so much more…simply from all those experiences that we have in life, those ‘few’ 80 odd years that we have. And it is indeed teaching us something very beautifully profound kind lady. Wait till you touch it…there truly are no words for it, that love is so far beyond words. It brought me to tears…big, beautiful, happy tears. In an instant I knew that I was loved beyond anything I could imagine. His unconditional love, not just words in a book, far far beyond that…and living in that gift I had just understood 🤗🥰❤️🙏
Ooh, I should have mentioned…we are slowly understanding love as we go through life, it was just that last bit that truly made me see and understand that we for most of our lives, in our fears, have doubts and negativities of ourselves and these keep that beautiful understanding at bay. We have to go back into our childhood to see and understand it was that very child who suddenly, from being treated in a certain way, locked in those fears. We have to feel those moments again so that we can understand those walls we have built from being hurt….are also the walls that won’t allow us to love truly because of the pain of those fears. We are afraid that others will hurt us too, treat us badly so we protect ourselves with that wall.
Now the hard bit…that child made that wall…but we carry it as we grow up, on onto adulthood. In fact it is so blocked sometimes that we won’t even admit there is anything wrong, our lives a bed of roses. So back we must go to that painful moment where as a child we hurt, and hurt bad. It is ever a rejection of those we love and look up to in that treatment we feel from them. Go there, feel its pain, and ask yourself why does it make you feel that way…dig deeply…because we have spent a lifetime of blocking it. Feel that feeling all over again…and it will speak to you, it will give you the truth of that rejection…and set you free. Sometimes it takes quite a few attempts, depending on the blockage. Some of us are a little more stubborn than others, maybe it is not yet time. More experiences are needed so that you will understand. But that opening will open, that love will speak, and its beauty in understanding it with you forever more ❤️🙏
Yes. That’s my exact experience. And I suppose I am of the more stubborn variety as I’ve had to feel the pain of the past multiple times. Thankfully, I find that the more I practice these things, the less suffering it takes now to see. You’re right though. It takes time and an opening to awareness. Thanks Mark ❤
In Bloom 
Welcome back Samantha, sometimes a break is a wondrous thing. Especially then moving into such a topic. In some ways you are right, they hate us or are angry with us…simply because unintentionally we treat them in some way where they feel rejected. We can’t help but bring them up by exactly who we are, bad stuff included. We haven’t resolved our fears yet, so cannot be but what we are…afraid of so many things within ourselves. And so we bring them up as best we can, and pray that it is enough.
And in all the healing I have done, there are no straight through to the front of the line, straight to an A in parenthood. Too much happens, too much emotional baggage as we try to resolve us before it damages those children beholding to us. They love and look up to us, want to be just like us, imitate us to a ‘T’. And in those years of being taught, we pass onto them what we are. In fact I’ve seen many, myself included, where those children say ‘I’m never, ever going to be like mom/dad’, and do the exact opposite. Only to react so strongly that they become just as bad in another way, in that hurt and anger.
In all I have seen, there is no way around it. Because the journey asks them to be raised in that ‘conditional’ environment, no matter how hard it is…so that one day, and as we all do, we will find the answer to our fear, understand it, and step beyond it into that unconditional love we have ever looked for.
We must experience sadness so that when happiness comes along it will be so much more appreciated ‘because’ of those very experiences. All our emotions lead us to those appreciations of it all. And the day I finally saw and understood what my fear truly meant…I could see that it is meant to happen, it is meant to be hard, and it is meant to take us full circle back inside us to resolve that very pain within us…and finally understand that the love and happiness we sought was ever waiting inside us for that moment where we did understand, could finally see what love truly is…and be set free.
How do you help heal this situation? There is only one way, and that is by doing two things. One, you have to be honest and up front about the who, where, when and why of what has occurred and its consequences…for everyone. This means you too, as well as her. Two, you just have to be there and love them…when they are ready. Hard, oh yes. Trust once damaged takes great courage to stand back within it, and it takes time. Lots of time. And hard as this is…don’t try to protect her, as in hold information from her etc. The instant she feels a lie, even if it is a protecting lie, that trust just goes even further away from where you both are.
This most certainly isn’t an easy journey kind lady, the instinct is to protect, regardless the situation. But sometimes they may not let you, and for many reasons. Sometimes they do things that truly hurt you, when you feel you have given your all to do that protection. And many the time its simply because they don’t have enough experience and wisdom from life to see the pain they cause, to you and themselves. Mostly I see children many years later grown up with their own children, and suddenly you see in their eyes exactly what you had been trying to teach them. And suddenly they start speaking to you again, sharing themselves again, connecting again.
It is such a long painful path my friend, seemingly lost through some years…you and them. But within it is truly something very powerfully learned. Even in hindsight we touch so much but slowly see an understanding in us and them. Sometimes you think forever one way…but there is under it all, a change inside. It’s always there, in all we do.
Pray, have hope, a little faith that we do have a purpose here. Know that this love is taking us somewhere so profoundly beautiful, even among the puddles we tread in. Big hugs Samantha, and a deep breath. Sending much love and light that slowly that love raises its head and bit by bit, sets you both free within it ❤️🙏
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow, Mark! Thank you so much for writing all that. Although the contents of this chapter are a number of years ago by now, what you wrote helped me look at things differently today. To remember that the relationship is constantly teaching…hurting and rewarding…for both, but that it also serves a higher purpose is priceless. Thanks dear friend ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
It does indeed all come together Samantha. On the day I saw through my fear I could see ‘everything’ I had done all through my life was bringing me to this point of understanding, to truly understand that unconditional love. It’s like anything we understand, it takes time. If we go to a child and ask them to explain love, it will be mommy’s hugs, chocolate and ice cream. But if I ask the grown up you, there is so much more…simply from all those experiences that we have in life, those ‘few’ 80 odd years that we have. And it is indeed teaching us something very beautifully profound kind lady. Wait till you touch it…there truly are no words for it, that love is so far beyond words. It brought me to tears…big, beautiful, happy tears. In an instant I knew that I was loved beyond anything I could imagine. His unconditional love, not just words in a book, far far beyond that…and living in that gift I had just understood 🤗🥰❤️🙏
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ooh, I should have mentioned…we are slowly understanding love as we go through life, it was just that last bit that truly made me see and understand that we for most of our lives, in our fears, have doubts and negativities of ourselves and these keep that beautiful understanding at bay. We have to go back into our childhood to see and understand it was that very child who suddenly, from being treated in a certain way, locked in those fears. We have to feel those moments again so that we can understand those walls we have built from being hurt….are also the walls that won’t allow us to love truly because of the pain of those fears. We are afraid that others will hurt us too, treat us badly so we protect ourselves with that wall.
Now the hard bit…that child made that wall…but we carry it as we grow up, on onto adulthood. In fact it is so blocked sometimes that we won’t even admit there is anything wrong, our lives a bed of roses. So back we must go to that painful moment where as a child we hurt, and hurt bad. It is ever a rejection of those we love and look up to in that treatment we feel from them. Go there, feel its pain, and ask yourself why does it make you feel that way…dig deeply…because we have spent a lifetime of blocking it. Feel that feeling all over again…and it will speak to you, it will give you the truth of that rejection…and set you free. Sometimes it takes quite a few attempts, depending on the blockage. Some of us are a little more stubborn than others, maybe it is not yet time. More experiences are needed so that you will understand. But that opening will open, that love will speak, and its beauty in understanding it with you forever more ❤️🙏
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes. That’s my exact experience. And I suppose I am of the more stubborn variety as I’ve had to feel the pain of the past multiple times. Thankfully, I find that the more I practice these things, the less suffering it takes now to see. You’re right though. It takes time and an opening to awareness. Thanks Mark ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person