It is an amazing thing when we look back and see…that our parents unintentionally pass onto us ‘their fears’. They can only give to us what they are, and at the time of your birth they have not resolved their fears so unintentionally pass them on. Yes, there may be you and both your brothers, but you are inside all different, so you will respond to those fears taught to you differently. But individually the world will affect you all in a way so that you can eventually see into your hearts.
All of your relationships will push your buttons, all will ask you to see that painful place within, dare you to look at it and try to understand why it is as it is. And as your life goes on they seem to become more intense, more powerful until you reach a point emotionally that you feel your heart will burst…and all you can do is ask why, dare to try to look back from where it came from. From those times you just spoke of and finally see that it was so painful to finally admit those actions by a parent/s is where that pain lives. And usually based on a child’s recollection of being rejected so heartrendingly, painfully by the one’s you love…exactly as all your relationships now seem to always do to you.
But unconditional love wants you to see the truth of what happened so that you can see it in yourself, understand that you must see conditional love first so that you will truly see and appreciate unconditional love when it arrives. Your fears are that barrier to loving yourself, removing that barrier is in simply (and obviously not simple in doing), understanding your fear. Understand it and you will understand you and the love you have blocked. Understand that and you will finally see that it all has to take place so that you can understand and love you, the one thing unconditional love was waiting for, you to let go those conditions of doubt, negativity and fear in understanding them, and allow you to finally accept and love yourself…all else then becomes but a memory.
Great post Samantha, and a healing in expressing it so that any of those barriers a cleared a little more ❤️🙏
Oh, and anyone who says you are not pretty…cannot see that withinin themselves because they doubt it, so project those negativities and doubts onto others. Your mom was still in her fears and projected accordingly. When you finally understand that, you will see how you were with others at different times in your life, when those fears were so close to the surface it would come out in so many different ways…anger, hurt, rebuffing, even laughter…but ever warped by underlying emotions. Just remember, for you, your mom or dad, friends all have our own ways of dealing with it…until we understand our fears and realize we are all just trying to find a way to cope with our pain…and in seeing our own fear we can then see …that it isn’t aimed at us, even if they are directly speaking to us…it is just a coping strategy for them, we just happen to be there at the time. And in seeing that…we let it all go…in us, in them, in it all…and finally just accept who and what we are…and them too in understanding it ❤️🙏
I agree with everything you said, Mark. I see it now with clarity and have made peace with it all for the most part. Though, every once in a while, that worthiness wound still pierces me and I have to step back and connect the dots. Say a prayer and be easy with myself. It comes less and less over time and awareness. I see the progress from the higher perspective when I see my daughter embracing life in ways I never could have with the fear I harbored at her age. I’m thankful for that. Progress, no matter how seemingly small, matters always. I still find it meaningful to say out loud for those who may still be trying to understand where their own defects stem from. Understand our own, understand everyone else’s…thank you, Mark ❤
And thank you for sharing kind lady, that is in itself a healing. Your love of self breaking its barriers and starting a new path for you. I am an old coot and only a few days ago I had a friend prod me in something I was holding…and a little more broke free. I think it is always a lifelong journey to become a love that there is no limit. Like a masterpiece, how beautiful can beautiful be? Big hug dear lady, may your inner and outer beauty just be accepted as that masterpiece that it is 😀❤️🙏
In Bloom 
It is an amazing thing when we look back and see…that our parents unintentionally pass onto us ‘their fears’. They can only give to us what they are, and at the time of your birth they have not resolved their fears so unintentionally pass them on. Yes, there may be you and both your brothers, but you are inside all different, so you will respond to those fears taught to you differently. But individually the world will affect you all in a way so that you can eventually see into your hearts.
All of your relationships will push your buttons, all will ask you to see that painful place within, dare you to look at it and try to understand why it is as it is. And as your life goes on they seem to become more intense, more powerful until you reach a point emotionally that you feel your heart will burst…and all you can do is ask why, dare to try to look back from where it came from. From those times you just spoke of and finally see that it was so painful to finally admit those actions by a parent/s is where that pain lives. And usually based on a child’s recollection of being rejected so heartrendingly, painfully by the one’s you love…exactly as all your relationships now seem to always do to you.
But unconditional love wants you to see the truth of what happened so that you can see it in yourself, understand that you must see conditional love first so that you will truly see and appreciate unconditional love when it arrives. Your fears are that barrier to loving yourself, removing that barrier is in simply (and obviously not simple in doing), understanding your fear. Understand it and you will understand you and the love you have blocked. Understand that and you will finally see that it all has to take place so that you can understand and love you, the one thing unconditional love was waiting for, you to let go those conditions of doubt, negativity and fear in understanding them, and allow you to finally accept and love yourself…all else then becomes but a memory.
Great post Samantha, and a healing in expressing it so that any of those barriers a cleared a little more ❤️🙏
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Oh, and anyone who says you are not pretty…cannot see that withinin themselves because they doubt it, so project those negativities and doubts onto others. Your mom was still in her fears and projected accordingly. When you finally understand that, you will see how you were with others at different times in your life, when those fears were so close to the surface it would come out in so many different ways…anger, hurt, rebuffing, even laughter…but ever warped by underlying emotions. Just remember, for you, your mom or dad, friends all have our own ways of dealing with it…until we understand our fears and realize we are all just trying to find a way to cope with our pain…and in seeing our own fear we can then see …that it isn’t aimed at us, even if they are directly speaking to us…it is just a coping strategy for them, we just happen to be there at the time. And in seeing that…we let it all go…in us, in them, in it all…and finally just accept who and what we are…and them too in understanding it ❤️🙏
LikeLiked by 2 people
I agree with everything you said, Mark. I see it now with clarity and have made peace with it all for the most part. Though, every once in a while, that worthiness wound still pierces me and I have to step back and connect the dots. Say a prayer and be easy with myself. It comes less and less over time and awareness. I see the progress from the higher perspective when I see my daughter embracing life in ways I never could have with the fear I harbored at her age. I’m thankful for that. Progress, no matter how seemingly small, matters always. I still find it meaningful to say out loud for those who may still be trying to understand where their own defects stem from. Understand our own, understand everyone else’s…thank you, Mark ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
And thank you for sharing kind lady, that is in itself a healing. Your love of self breaking its barriers and starting a new path for you. I am an old coot and only a few days ago I had a friend prod me in something I was holding…and a little more broke free. I think it is always a lifelong journey to become a love that there is no limit. Like a masterpiece, how beautiful can beautiful be? Big hug dear lady, may your inner and outer beauty just be accepted as that masterpiece that it is 😀❤️🙏
LikeLiked by 1 person
How beautiful can beautiful be? LOVE.
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