It wouldn’t be fair to tell you only the bad things, so I’m going to have to dig deep and share with you the good things too.  But if you’ve read Chapter 1, you generally know where this is going…with the clenching of my heart, here we go!

This man takes my breath away!  His soul has always been able to reach mine in a way unique only to him.  When there is nothing in between us, there is a limitlessness that induces pure, sober intoxication just being in his presence…Our Universe…

He is another of the most brilliant minds I’ve encountered…book-smart, street-smart, just fucking smart!  We could talk about anything, and we could talk for hours.  He has a mystery about him that attracts many…pointing towards a depth that possibly only he knows exists (though he wouldn’t admit it).  Outwardly, he is a practical man.  Showing up for the people he cares about in that exact way…practical.  He’s a helper.  If you need help, he’s there.  The kind of person you can count on if you get a flat tire or something.  And, if he’s on your team, you KNOW he’s on your team!  Makes you feel like you can do anything and go anywhere you want in life (my father and Betsy could do this also).

But he knows things too.  Intrinsically.  Intuitively.  He knows things and he knows people.  He’s creative in many more ways than he regularly explores.  He’s charming, charismatic, and romantic when he wants to be.  I happen to know that his depth, his soul, his emotion…is a world unnatural and uncomfortable to him.  His ego (and his little corner of the world) shuns it, which is truly such a shame, because what a powerful combination of traits…grounded AND elevated.

When he was there, really there, Henry eyes and all, I have never felt more seen, more loved, more cherished in all my days.  I could feel it miles away and trust it and receive it and give it back too.  That was a gift and even when we’re apart I can sense it at times…

He was the best friend I have ever had. All of the things that were true in the beginning, were still true…we could be playful together and have fun, but serious when a situation called for it. For the majority of the time we shared together during this phase, I felt that he was true and had my back. He was my soft place to fall in a world hard to stand on. We were partners in life and immortal in love…

TRIGGER WARNING:  I’m going to talk about sex now, so you may want to leave, but why?  Sexuality is a universal commonality, but also taboo?  Shameful?  Um, no.  Only if misguided or misused and abused (more on this later).

Is there any greater physical human experience than making love to the person you love?  It’s a serious question, because I’m not sure that there is.  When all the “givens” are accounted for…trust, safety, security, loyalty, love…is there anything better?

When we made love, the world ceased to exist…time, constraints, restraints, insecurity, responsibilities, past, future, thoughts…for me at least, all ceased to exist.  Not all of the time and not perfectly because we ARE in human form for now after all, but when it did, it really did.  In the early days, when emotion could easily overtake me, it would bring tears to my eyes.  The love was so intense.

To fully become one with another, merge with another, entwined…entangled in the most beautiful way…every human sense ignited…sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch…physical, mental, emotional, AND spiritual…it’s that magic, the aligning of stars.

It would feel like those dreams where you know that you’re dreaming and can choose what to do next…a living, lucid, celestial dream in the here and now…(which is precisely all that it is in this moment…just a dream…)

Once the pleasure was released…the peace was inviting. My favorite role to play was little spoon to his big spoon…his arm resting in the middle of my chest, his body close as could be…I recall telling him once afterwards that “we” are my dream.  All of us together was my dream…

The way he communicated was close to the polar opposite of how he used to communicate, which was almost not at all (like myself).  He spoke thoughtfully, carefully choosing words.  He was quick to look at himself when little conflicts would arise, which is inevitable in human relationships.  And he could apologize promptly when in the wrong.  I valued that more than words and reciprocated to the best of my ability.  I appreciated him, genuinely.

I learned a lot from him in the parenting arena too. I very much admired the father that he had become. This was a topic near and dear to each of us and something we strived to be mindful of on a daily basis.

We spoke a lot about integrity and what that means. We spoke of how we were living proof that people actually could change. He pointed out numerous times how his life had changed as a result of our meeting and how grateful he was for it. It was the absolute truth for me as well…no matter what happened, that would always be true. Our meeting has forever transformed me…

In the 3-D world, he helped me tremendously. I tend to be more of a “dreamer,” much preferring my head in the clouds than my feet on the ground. He was my compliment there too, as so much as I was a free bird, he was deeply rooted. In this moment though, I can say with confidence, that it was a necessary lesson for me. “Dreamers” can’t do a whole lot here if they’re not tethered to the earth…

Indeed, it was a super grounded time…a sumo wrestler now comes to mind…when they slam down each foot, one at a time…causing the earth below to tremble…he was trying to build a career for himself, make a name for himself in the material, while attempting to marry his lessons of the past with the present and the future. I, on the other hand, did have the same priorities as him, just in the opposite order…

My love was determined in that he had learned his lessons of the past and determined that we would stay together no matter what…”forever” in his own words…

But, dear reader, although this chapter is supposed to be all the good things, I spy something with my little eye…there is such a thing as getting lost in the “world.” Lost in form. It’s a human malady around for millennia…and, looking back, perhaps we should have met each other somewhere in the middle…

“For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his soul?”